30/06/26
When i first became a sleep coach my training said that when it came to babies self-settling, ANY sleep training approach (slow or fast) would work perfectly if followed consistently.
Sounds reasonable right? Wrong.
Here’s the mistake i made: When you're working with babies between 5 and 12 months, the reality is that the slow, ‘gentle’ self settling approaches just DON’T WORK. The missing link i hadn’t been taught is that self settling is a skill that all babies need before they'll sleep without crying out for you. Some babies work it out on their own; and those families very rarely come to me for support!! The rest need a bit more input from us to encourage them to develop the skill; Enter Sleep Training.
When we look at self settling methods, the one you should choose REALLY depends upon the age and development of your baby. It isn't a case of pick one from a list.
Let me explain:
As much as i’d LOVE to say that there are great tear-free approaches, the reality is that for babies under a year old, its really rare to sleep train without tears. And because there are tears, i believe its better to offer a quick, effective method and not a long drawn out ‘gentle’ approach (which i promise you will feel anything but gentle).
NOTE: If you're working with toddlers and children, this view totally flips on its head and actually tear-free approaches are FAR MORE SUITABLE. But that's a story for another blog!
I'm just going to say it: ‘Gentle’ sleep training approaches are for the parents not for the baby. Your baby actually needs an effective way of helping them sleep better - one that minimises tears overall (such as controlled crying); not one that causes more tears for a longer duration (such as 'association stacking').
And the problem is, parents like the sound of 'Gentle'. Who wouldn't? But its just a marketing gimic. And it insinuates that Sleep Training is in some way harmful. There's no such thing as 'gentle' when it comes to making changes that your baby isnt keen on. BUT there is such thing as RESPONSIVE. And sleep training can absolutely be responsive whilst still giving your baby the space they need to work things out for themselves.
Although my voyage of discovery to get to this point has been challenging, a positive has come out of my initial 'gentle' cases: It drove me to start questioning my training and gave me a thirst for better knowledge. I've taken two degree level (OCN Level 6) Advanced Sleep Practitioner courses - one from the London School of Childcare Studies and one from the incredible EDS Sleep Training for Professionals.
Follow the science. Follow the research. Improve my knowledge.
And with this knowledge, plus the 4 years of experience i now hold in Sleep Coaching, i know for certain i'll never take on a client who asks for 'gentle'. It raises too many red flags to me.
Why tell you all this?
Well, because I want to be honest about my own journey and to demonstrate that I've thought about this. I'm not rejecting the word 'gentle' because I want to make a quick buck. I truly want to help you and your baby - and for it to be a positive expereince. I know you want to make changes to your baby’s sleep without upsetting them. But with your baby’s interest at heart, i want to tell you honestly that tears are not harmful. Its OK for your baby to feel all the feelings! If they're loved, safe and feel secure with you, there is no harm done by you changing your baby's sleep habits.
If you’re not on board with what you've read here, there's no hard feelings. Sleep training isn’t for everyone, and i wouldn't expect it to be. We have the right to make our own choices - but we do need to make them based on real facts. And that's where the sleep training debate can go a little awry. Lets be clear; the research and evidence (my compass for my advice) all stacks up in favour; with no evidence of harm.
Did this blog get you thinking? Does it all make sense to you? Why not join the mailing list and get evidence-based sleep musings to your mailbox weekly.